


Blazing heart

by TifaSugarEng (tifasugar)



Series: JeanMarco one shots ♥ [31]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alive Marco Bott, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Older Characters, POV Jean Kirstein
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:20:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24858277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tifasugar/pseuds/TifaSugarEng
Summary: JEAN POV"Muffled sobs, pained cries, each of them dealt with it as best as they could and tonight, Jean was not strong enough. He's never been.You're not a strong person, so you can really understand how weak people feel.He was right, so damned right."
Relationships: Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein
Series: JeanMarco one shots ♥ [31]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/988548
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24
Collections: JeanMarco Week 2020





	Blazing heart

**Author's Note:**

> JeanMarco Week 2020 DAY 1: Blaze / Ashes

The pyre’s flames raised high in the night sky, tinting its black in reds and yellows. Its warmth didn't reach him, at all.

He remembered Armin saying that probably they would never get over the horrible feeling of piling up dead bodies after dead bodies and damn, he was right. It was, by far, the worst part of everything he has done since he joined the scouting legion. 

He could remember, clear as a day, the first time he was forced to live through it. His friends’ bodies —the ones they could recover from the massacre inside the walls— burning, whatever's left of them getting mingled together, hard to discern a person from the other. Lost forever, alive just in faint memories that will fade away as their ashes in the wind.

And it was always this emptiness, the helplessness, a dread when facing death, destruction, and meaningless loss. Muffled sobs, pained cries, each of them dealt with it as best as they could and tonight, Jean was not strong enough. He's never been.

> _"You're not a strong person, so you can really understand how weak people feel."_

He was right, so damned right.

He sniffled, too many battles at his back, and this weight over his shoulders made things harder than ever, dragging his feet at a slow pace towards his bedroom. Tired, his mind and body were terribly tired from everything, from the fight, from all of that thinking and planning. He just wanted it to stop.

He undressed in the dark, too tired to get a shower even when some of those ashes were probably stuck onto his skin. He sat on the bed, releasing a long sigh, rubbing his face.

“I need you” He whispered to silent walls, "fuck, I need you right now..."

Sometimes, Jean got scared of how fast he replied to his needs, even when the man couldn't physically hear his requests.

A strip of yellow light bathed the room, promptly disappearing after the door was closed. Slow, heavy steps halted by his side, and his bed gave to the weight of big muscles. His deep, musky scent mixed with the almost vanished soap from his morning shower enveloped Jean like a blanket.

But nothing, _nothing_ felt like the safety of his arms, solid chest against his bony cheek, and huge arms holding him tight. 

“It’s ok now, it's ok”

“It takes me to that day, every single time” Jean turned in bed, curling against his boyfriend, breathing him, “Can’t stop thinking about Mina, Thomas… all of them, how empty we felt afterward”

“I know, I know. But you’re ok now, _heichou”_ Jean smacked his back, cracking the tiniest smile over his neck to kiss it softly afterward.

“I didn’t want the promotion, I just…”

“You are worth it, we both know that. I told you so” Marco let go his hug just a few seconds to lit on a candle, taking the warmth of his brown eyes to his right away, “I’m so proud of you”

“You’d be a better leader but they don’t listen” He caressed Marco’s cheek, sighing, feeling the weight and dread leave his soul just by looking at him, “I don’t know what I’d do without you”.

“You’ll be as amazing and fine as you are now” Marco’s rough hands cradled his slim face under long blond locks, caressing his cheeks with both thumbs, “I’m so proud of you”

“Marco…” The kiss was slow, warmth spreading from his lips to his cold limbs in slow tongue movements.

They needed a shower. Probably. There was a lot to do before going to bed but they were too exhausted to care. Marco took off his clothes standing while Jean scooted in bed to his spot against the wall.

As soon as the freckled man got under the covers, he clung to him for dear life, sighing in his embrace, crying a bit from relief and pain just to get asleep between kisses and promises of better days.

They didn’t know if those days would come, the future as uncertain as it’s always been if not more, but as long as their love burned brighter than any pyre at the end of the day, they’d have more than enough just by holding each other to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

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